


How does one bless the new moon on Venus?

by Treon



Category: Zionist Galactic Federation, מדרש | Midrash
Genre: Antisemitism, Collection: Purimgifts Extras, Gen, Jewish Humor, purim torah
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-21
Updated: 2016-03-21
Packaged: 2018-05-28 05:31:50
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 645
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6316579
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Treon/pseuds/Treon
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A Midrash for Esther.</p>
            </blockquote>





	How does one bless the new moon on Venus?

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Hagar](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hagar/gifts).



> Written per the format of the "teach us" Midrash. These sermons were said before the Torah reading. Traditionally, they start off with a question of Halacha (with the formulation "Teach us, Rabbi"). From here the midrash progresses from one topic to another via logic, wordplay and biblical quotes, until we arrive at the first verse of the portion to be read.

Teach us, Rabbi: How does one bless the new moon on Venus?  
  
On Venus one may bless the Earth, when one sees it, even though it is smaller [than the new moon].  When we bless the new moon, we say: 'As I dance before you and cannot touch you, so my enemies will not be able to touch me'.  What is true for the Moon, when we stand on Earth, is doubly true for the Earth, when we stand on Venus.  For our enemies are on Earth, and we pray that just as we are further away from them, so they will be less able to harm us.  
  
Our sages teach us that before God afflicts Israel, He prepares the remedy.  As it is said [in the Book of Esther], "After these things".  Only after Mordechai's great deeds were written down for posterity, did Haman come up with his plan to destroy the Jews.    
  
Therefore, God created the stars before he created the Nation of Israel, as the stars were created on the fourth day, and Man on the sixth day, so that if Israel needed a place to escape, they would have the stars.  
  
Another explanation: God named all the stars for the saviors that will save His people, from the beginning of time until the end of time.  He named Venus after Esther, and that was the name used by Adam and Enosh after Creation.  But the ancient idol-worshippers confused the name and thought it was a God which they called "Ishtar".  Until Esther appeared and the people realized that she is the one for whom the planet was named.  
  
The stars are not only a place of refuge, there is a positive commandment to go forth into space.  Where do we learn that from?  From Haman, who said "There is a people scattered and dispersed". If Haman, who was evil, saw it fit to complain about this point, then surely we must do more.  It is not enough that we scatter among the nations, we must also scatter where there are no people.  From the desert to the stars.  Just as we make the desert bloom, so we are enjoined to be productive among the stars.  
  
Another explanation.  God told Abraham, "Look outside and count the stars, if you can you count them.  So will be your descendants".  Do not read "so" (כה), but "there" (פה).  "There will be your descendants".    
  
Another explanation. It is written "there shall be a time of trouble, such as never was", and then "thy people shall be delivered".  How?  "The ones who encourage righteousness will be like the stars".  From this we learn that the righteous will reach the stars, and only then shall the nation of Israel be delivered, as it is said, that God provides the cure before the affliction.   
  
God had promised that if the Jews escape to the stars, the nations won't follow.  For it is said, "Though you set it [your nest] among the stars, I will bring you down from there".  The nations will try to attack the Jews among the stars, but they will not succeed, for God will bring them down.  
  
That is true for the stars, but how do we know it is true for Venus?  For Venus is called 'noga' in Hebrew.  Acronym for "no goyim allowed".  
  
Additionally, Venus is God's abode, as it is said, "Thick clouds are a covering to Him".  'Thick clouds' refers to Venus, for our sages said that Venus is like an oven, as it is covered in clouds.    
  
The clouds obscure the land of Venus, just as God's plan is obscured in the story of Purim.  Ahasuerus thought he ruled over 127 lands, and he did not know that he was just a pawn in God's master plan.  As it is said "And it was in the days of Ahasuerus".   


End file.
